Tool Usage Explained

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that
it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across
the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you
had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get
to it.


WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light .
Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from
fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'


SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too
short.



PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in
the creation of blood-blisters.



BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to
convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.



HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the
Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into
a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt
to influence its course, the more dismal your future
becomes.



VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely
round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
palm of your hand.



OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting
various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also
handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of
which you want to remove a bearing race.



TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to
launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.



HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to
the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes ,
trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.



BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by
most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces
that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on
the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.



TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum
tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.



PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum
seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin
oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be
used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
heads.



STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.
Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into
non-removable screws and butchering your palms.



PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that
clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a
50 cent part.



HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.



HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the
most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to
hit.



UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents
of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works
particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl
records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.



SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy
tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is
also, most often, the next tool that you will need.



Hope you found this informative.

My response to; A Video from the Facebook Cause: Put Christ Back Into Schools

Today I received an invitation to join a cause on FB. It had a video of Red Skelton reciting the pledge of allegiance. This cause was regarding putting Christ "back" in schools in this "Christian" nation. I would not permit it access to my account so I wasn't able to post my response to it there. So, I will post my response here. The following is that response:

I too am a proud American as well as a Veteran. But I have to say that the United States cannot be considered a “Christian Nation”. We have peoples of many different religions who are just as proud to be an American, and who serve this nation honorably in our armed forces. They are not all Christian and some of those even make that utmost sacrifice for this country, the giving of their life. They too have, I must say, earned the right to be recognized by this country. This is not to take away from those who are Christian, but to make sure that those who are not of the Christian faith are not steam rolled over by those who are. I refer to the Veteran regarding this cause because all that this country has and is, has actually been bought and paid for by the American Veteran whether you want to accept/ believe it or not, and the American Armed Forces are made up of people of all religions, not just Christians. When you visit the Vietnam Memorial in Washington, remember, all of those soldiers whose names appear there on that wall are not Christian; some are, but not all. To claim that this is a Christian Nation is to dishonor those non-Christian soldiers whose names appear on that wall. Yes, we may be “one nation under God”, but not just the Christian God. We as a nation need to always be mindful of this very true fact.

Droid!

OMG! I have to admit it, I love my new Droid! It is all that and a bag of chips too!

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Guns

If guns kill people, then...

- pencils miss spel words.

- cars make people drive drunk.

- spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.

Think About This

Think about this:

1. Cows

2. The Constitution

3. The Ten Commandments

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COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

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THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in Congress or a courthouse is this --you cannot post 'Thou Shall Not Steal', 'Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie', in a building full of politicians.... it creates a hostile work environment.

Thought for the day

Never hold your farts in! They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that folks, is where shitty ideas come from!!!